It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
