A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
