pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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