Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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