So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
