oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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