I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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