I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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