I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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