Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
