that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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