How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
