i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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