The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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