Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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