All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
