She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
4 words: hood of his car
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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