I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
time to smoke my breakfast
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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