can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
