I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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