I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
