meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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