I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
