Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
