Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
