My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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