I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize