Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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