I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize