Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
farters have to be the big spoon...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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