please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize