I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i barfeds in our rink
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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