My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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