There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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