I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize