A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
