i don't like sucking hair
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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