1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like a drive thru vagina
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
