roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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