I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
