Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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