I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
