What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
