We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He keeps bees of course he's weird
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
