Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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