gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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