I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
