Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
