Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
