Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
