I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
