please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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