No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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