She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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