She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
