I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
