and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
