tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
