Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
