i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
