Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
