Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
