worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is Oprah even human
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
