Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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