..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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